Last week, Sara's dad took us to Galapaguera, a tortoise breeding station in the highlands of the island. We trekked through the hot, dry sanctuary and found a herd of them hanging out in the shade. On her last visit, Sara said, two were trying to have sex, but the male was working on the wrong end. I asked if maybe he knew what he was doing. If you live for 150 years, aren't blow jobs inevitable?
I couldn't find any reports online, but behold these shocking sex-related tortoise facts:
-They keep their penises in their tails.
-They don't sexually mature until 20-25.
-Prime baby-making age is 60-90 (ick).
-Foreplay: males bite the females until they immobilize themselves by pulling in their legs.
-Frustrated non-dominant males sometimes try to mate other males and boulders.
-During sex, they emit "rhythmic groans."
-"Do they do everything slowly?" you may ask. Apparently so: sex takes an average of two hours.
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